I've Found My Zen!

So along the way between, highschooler, wife, mommy, lady with deployed husband, supposed to be adult person, I lost the calm sense I once had. I am a person that needs alone time. Before real life hit, I had that time but didn't really realize that it was an intrgural part of me.
In the last 4yrs since having Rylan and Gabe, I haven't had much of that. Either not having the time, money, or lack of guilt for wanting to do things by myself.
Since moving home it's gotten easier.
I think I have found my zen routine.
There is a little bakery here called Daileys. It's amazing. So calm and clean and the food is amazing!
Last week I had to drop the boys off at day care pretty early but then had some time to kill. So I headed over to Dailys, where i had never eaten before.
I ordered the coffe of the day and steel cut oats with brown sugar, raisins, and strawberrys. It came with a small slice of blueberry loaf and some milk to put in the oats( I drank it though lol).
It was presented so well with garnish, the bowl was not to large bit enough to make me full. The coffe was amazing. And all for $7
Then I realized, "wait, I'm actually, visually enjoying my food before I eat it! When was the last time I did this???"
To long ago is the answer!
So I sat there, slowly eating and enjoying. Taking in all the cars passing by, people coming in and just being calm. I didn't think much more about anything. I just sat there.
Then some more amazing stuff happened. I couldnt wait to go pick up my boys. I know that sounds horrible but I enjoy my time and they enjoy their time at daycare(which is awesome!).
So I went and picked them up and the rest of our day was awesome! I was less stressed and so were they.

This morning I did the same thing. I feel wonderful. The slight bit of guilt for sitting here enjoying food with out them, is still slightly there, then I remember how good I feel, and how this will follow me threw the rest of the day.

I'm getting closer to that calm person I used to be and I like that.

The weight, oh the

Since this has been in my mind a lot I figured I would blog it. Blog it all, I will!

I guess you could say Ive been "dealing " with weight my whole life. I was born tiny, like smaller than average. In the first year of my life though, boy did I pudge up! Obviously I realize that at that age it does not matter(baring baby obesity ), it's just funny how that would be the case the next 23 yrs of my life! At 7-8, I was super skinny, I was super active outside all the time with the neighbor kids from dawn till dusk. Then the dreaded puberty hit. Let's just say that since 13 have had boobs and butt. Oh yeah and the "holland" thighs, thanks mom!

While I was still active with sports and regular life, I was defiantly more filled out than my classmates. It wasn't until my sophomore year of high school, when I hit 160lbs(I'm only 5'2) , that I started to pay attention. Threw sports and mostly eating better I made my way down to about 145lbs. Then with swim team my senior year I made it to 135lbs, my goal weight!! Then...... I got pregnant. Yep, I contracted the preggers. I gave into my insane love of food i.e. pasta and bread, and got up to 170lbs while pregnant with Rylan.

I know, I know " but you were growing a baby". I took it to far and was eating for probably 5 and excercising for 0!!
After I had him I dropped to 135 again but that was due to breast feeding and not eating well. Once I stopped breast feeding and moved to KY....it ALL came back!
When I went for my pregnancy confirmation apt with Gabe, I weighed 168, after having been throwing up for a month already.
At 41 wks and 4 days I was induced, weighing a whopping 190lbs!!!! I was not happy, granted Gabe was almost 10lbs of that!
So seriously, almost instantly after giving birth I was back at 150lbs. That's pretty much where I've been since. I did make it to 145lbs the week jared came home from his last deployment but I think that was more due to stress than actual weight loss.

Now I am actually trying to get my weight down and KEEP it down. No more up and down every year.
I've done pretty good since moving back home, working has helped a lot too.
I was pretty shocked yesterday when I got on the scale after a week of avoiding it.

146.6lbs...... 0_0

No way!

I've lost almost 10lbs in the last month! I haven't even gotten to "really" work out yet! Thi is just from eating better(and actually making sure I eat enough) and being more active! I can't wait to see what happens when I actually work out! And to think I only have 11.6 lbs to go for my goal weight!!!

I'm so excited to report more on this!!

The story of Gabriel- Happy Birthday!

I'm still in shock that 2yrs ago today I gave birth to the chubby little person, who at the moment, is standing on a toy looking out the window in just his diaper. He refuses to put pants on, not even comfy ones and I have to chase him just to change his diaper. Where did this strong willed child come from? It's not like this is new though, he was just a stubborn 2yrs ago!!!

I figured in tribute to my little monster, I would right out his birth story for all to see. So here it goes.

Jared got back from his first deployment in November of 08. Rylan was 14 months old and we were living at Ft. Campbell KY. Around Christmas, while on leave here in WA we decided we wanted to try for another baby. It didn't happen right off so we figured with the move coming up it would be best to wait until we got settled back at Ft. Lewis. We moved in April of 09 and I waspregnant very soon after and announced to everyone I was pregnant on Mothers Day!

My pregnancy was fairly uneventful, morning sickness that lasted all day and doctors check ups. We were hoping for a girl, one of each. Jared was able to be there when we found out we were having another boy. I can't quite remember what we did with Ry.

My due date was December 31 2009, we were hoping for a new year baby though!

Then the hard Part happened. In November just after thanksgiving, jared had to deploy again. His dwell time was up and the rest of his unit had left already. There was good and bad. The good is that he would only be one for about 9m, the bad is that there was no possible way for him to be there for Gabes birth, no leave at all.

By this time Meghan had moved up with us knowing I would need help with Ry and Ayer Gabe was born. Pregnancy wise everything was going good, I was over weight when I got pregnant and was gaining "to much" according to my doctor. That much weight was just to much for my small body, breathing was very difficult.

Jared was already in Afghanistan when we finally decided on a name for him, it was the same with rylan though, it took forever! After much talk we decided on Gabriel Allen Bailie!

December 31st came and went with no sign of Gabe. I did have one appointment where my blood pressure was high but it went away, I knew it was the fact that my 190lb self had to walk from the very far end of the parking lot UP to the hospital and threw. Huffing and puffing the whole way, people looking at me afraid Gabe was going to fal right out!

So we decided on n induction date, January 10th 1010!

My mom and Myles came up the day before, and my mom had a good laugh at me trying to bend over to clean up a spill. Gabe was so low I had to Sumo squat!

The day came and at 7am we made out way to Madigan Army medical center. I got all settled in my bed awaiting my IV. With both boys I tested positive for group B strep and had to have the antibiotics, which they felt the need to put in my left wrist, most uncomfortable IV ever!

The first nurse couldn't get it and was actually hurting me so she just got up and walked away and my new nurse did it!

Then I was given the pitocin and my water was broken.

Contractions with rylan were manageable. Painful but managed by walking and breathing, I labored at home and only went in when my contractions had been going for more than hour. And I only went because I didn't want to have him at home.

Pitocin induced contractions were HORRIBLE!!! Front and back and I couldn't walk! I asked for an epi at 4cm and had it by 5cm. With Rylan I got mine when I went in at 8cm and the pain was still manageable!

Time escaped me so I don't know what time it was but at one point I sat up to tel my mom that I was going to throw up. I had done this with Rylan, while I was pushing actually. It's the contractions.

Well I only got half way threw my sentence when I asses out. Next thing I know the air mask is being put on my face and I'm turned on my side. Again this happened with rylan except I didn't actually pass out. Apparently both of our heart rates had dropped. All was good after a bit though.

Unfortunately my mom had to fly back that day to get back to work. I completely understood and was not hurt by it, she HAS to work. My doctor decided I was close enough to try a few trial pushes. 1 push was all I got before a team of other doctors and nurses come running in because Gabes heart rate had dropped dangerously low. This time it wasn't conning up as quickly. Eventually it did but had it not, I would have had a c section.

Just after that was when my mom had to leave. It was a very sad moment, she wasn't there for Rylan either since we were in KY.

So that left me completely alone since Meghan took my mom to the airport 45 min away.

My doctor decided to do bother trial push, without breaking down the bed or putting on her delivery armor.

I had told her before that it only took about 5 pushes with Rylan, but I don't think she beloved me.

So while one nurse held one leg and I held my other, I pushed.

I was instantly told to STOP, Don't even LAUGH or he will fall out! I see all the nurses running around trying to set stuff up and my doctor putting on her stuff.

There was no time to break the bed down, 3 more pushes, one for his head, one for his shoulders and 1 to help the rest along!

That was it! He was set right on my chest and I helped clean him off. His checks were so huge and he was so big!

At 5:55pm I welcomed my 9lb 12oz oinker into the world! Everyone was in shock at how big he was. Everything was perfect health wise and I convinced my doctor to let me go 24hrs PP with the promise of a check up the next day.

Meghan and rylan returned to the hospital about 20min after I had him and my mom was actually still at the Seattle airport waiting to board her plane!

I was able to talk to jared threw out the day, his superiors knew I was having him and would let jared call periodically. We actually talked just before and just after Gabe was born!

The last 2yrs have been crazy. He is such a funny child. Much more stubborn, strong willed and independent than Rylan. He borders on difficult sometimes but then he does a dance for you and your heart melts!

So here is a big happy Birthday to my little GAbiegoober!

The New Year

I figured I shouldn't just ignore the fact that it's a whole new year!

The fact is I'm a little scatter brained as to what to write. I had such big visions for moving back here and starting the new year, but it's been much harder than I thought. I'm lazy and I'm a procrastinator.

I still have not heard back from the dialysis clinc about the job which has me pretty discouraged. I applied at a hospital about half hour from here, for an entry level office job(patient admitting stuff) and have not heard back either. My next step is to go to the temp agency and see how they can help me. I think my lack of work experience in general is hurting me, the fact that the one place I did work is now out of business probably does not help either.

I also wanted to do lots of volunteer work, and still hope to. I'm finding though that unless I'm "working" finding a sitter is not as easy( I.e family).

2012 is not starting out how I had hoped and it's only 2 days in!!

I have so much to get done and I just find it so hard to get out of the house, on a few different levels. One, because Gabe is very hard for me to handle. If I'm out to do any sort of shopping I CAN NOT take him with. He's screaming bloody murder with in 5 min. While trying to fix Gabe, rylan takes that opportunity to start asking me for everything under the sun and the falls in to histerics when I tell him no. Then I feel the eyes. All the eyes on me trying to deal whit my children. It doesn't help that I look like a 17yr old single mom, I can tell what they think from the way they stare. Just remember when you see a mom trying to handle a child like that in the store, a smile of kindness and nod of understanding, can mean the world.

Two, because it's just hard being here without Jared. It feels like we are just here visiting and he is just out visiting some other friends and will be back later tonight.

I feel like I'm moving without him to a place that we should both be together at. It's just hard.

I am also very nervouse about this coming year. The change from military to civilian life scares the crap out of me. All we have know is military life, we were only together about 5 months before he left for basic. Neither of its know the reall struggles of life as adults out side of the military.

On the flipside of that major worry, is the happiness that Jared won't ever have to deploy again. We can plan a family vacation without wondering he will be "allowed" to go. It will be a big weight off Jared's chest after 6 years.

I'm excited because Gabe is turning 2 in 8 days! My huge squishy baby is getting bigger :( !

I'm excited because Rylan will be going to pre school soon and I know he will LOVE it! And then in late summer he will get to start kindergarten which Jared will be home for!!!

Is it weird that Jared and I are both super excited to help him pick out his first backpack and lunch box???

I think my biggest excitement/dread is buying a house.

I am so scared we will eventually end up like thousands of other, and not being able to pay our mortgage. We both have the sense to not buy a house out of our means, or even what we may be approved for. We would like to see our house paid of before we die!! We see our future house as something to pass on to our kids. I'm a natural worry wort and pessimist. The sinaro in my head is our income decreasing and not being able pay or support ourselves.

Sometimes you have to just take a chance and jump in!

I how I can make 2012 as memorable as possible when and wear I can!

I'm BACK

Yep I'm back! Between moving, Jared leaving and trying to get settled here at my moms, I haven't had much time to post. On top of that Rylan got me sick 2days ago. I've been fighting sickness since I got here. It happens every time I come to the valley. It usually ends up in my lungs and takes about 2 weeks to get over. This time though I have a feeling it's a mild flu.

Anyway. On to what I really wanted to talk about. Money!

So this coming paycheck will be Jared's first "deployment" paycheck. This means big things for us. Probably not what most would think though. A trend that I have seen with some military family's is major spending during deployments, the husband coming home to really no more than a new huge tv. It's amazing to me the amount of family's who are in needless debt acquired while in the military.

Yes we have done our fair share of frivolous spending but we live with in our means.

This is Jared's 3rd deployment. Our mentality on money between his first and now is vastly different! We were young and it was the first time either of us had had that much money. I paid no attention how much he was making or what our expenses were. I lived with my mom(I was 19, maybe I'll tell the story some day) and my car was given to me by my mon. So we started out pretty good.

We have managed to pay of the debt we had other than our car, 2yrs ago, and only accumulate a small amount since then. About a year ago Jared got a Discover card with now interest for a year. The limit is $500 and only once have we met that limit. We looked at our budget and decided how much we could use on it and be able to pay it off in full each paycheck, which is $300. Then we have a reward zone card with best buy, which saved us when both of our computers got viruses , the balance on that is $300. What we have left on the car is $600($6,900 in 5years is awesome!!).

So my plans are to pay VERY close attention to what is coming and going with pay and expenses this time.

I'm keeping my personal expenses low. My mom is letting us live here rent free, I help with food though, and watching my brother to help reduce her daycare bill. Eventually I hope to be working to though. All extras were canceled when I moved so this is the list of expenses for right now-

-cell, $168 but 1 line is up in feb and then the bill will be less

-storage $95

-car insurance $141, full coverage can be dropped soon

-car payment $160,our plan is to pay the car off with taxes and owning the car outright!!!

There are only 2 plans that will require money to be spent. Fixing Jared's car and saving for my own car.

I want Jared's car to be in nice working order when he gets home. Starting civilian life with a car that is fresh will be nice.

A lot of this will be made easier if I can get a job. Hopefully I can make enough to cover the small daycare expense(family is helping and Ry will be in preschool) and what ever small things I can. Therefore saving Jared's whole check.

Our whole goal is to start civilian life with no debt other than a house!

Just checking in and some Good News.

I realized that I have not posted much the last week or two. I posted about BB, but after that it was just hard to find the time. Even as I'm posting this I should be doing more productive things, but I just need a break.
Thanksgiving went well. It was just the 4 of us so we didnt go ALL out. Jared made a turkey and it came out delicious. The inside was still a tiny bit frozen because we didnt read the directions all the way and didnt take the bag off for defrosting! It all worked out in the end though!
After that I started the packing.
Although I had my doubts, we were still going with the plan that army was going to move all our stuff back to the Valley. As I suspected, they will not move us. So that sent me on my search of finding a moving truck. I about fell off the couch when I saw the quotes. $409 from Uhaul and $500 from Budget! Those are only 2 options because they are the only ones with locations both here and in the Valley. So not only was I stressing about the cost but also about who could be here to help me. Both Jareds mom and Meghan want to come, not only to see Jared off but to help me move. Between work scheduled, reliable transportation, who could and wanted to come and of course cost, the plan changed so many times. There is also the issue of getting over Snoqualime Pass which so far is looking like it will be ok.
Which in turn brings up anxiety for Me, Meghan and Jared. Ever since our blizzard incident in North Dakota, the three of us get anxiety driving in snowy conditions, and even just cold air from the car vents blowing on my face gives ME that feeling.
So at one point Stacy(jareds mom) and Meghan were going to rent a small car and come up. Stacy would drive her rental, Meghan would drive my car and I would drive the moving truck. Stacy has never driven a moving truck and there is no way I would make Meghan drive it so that would leave me.
Well then things changed and they were not sure if they could make it. So I was going to have my Uncle fly up and drive back with me. Then that changed.
At this point my anxiety was worsening and I think Jared could tell. While talking to his mom he came up with the perfect idea.
This is why I love him, He is always able to bring me back down and calm my anxiety.
His idea-Put our stuff in storage here!
Why did I not think of this!!!
It makes perfect sense. Im going to be living with my mom. Literally all I would be using anyway is out clothing and vital papers. My mom has beds for me and the boys, I don't need furniture or anything! All of this stuff would be in storage there anyway.
We were not planning on me moving into my own place until he gets back anyway, unless we find a house we ABSOLUTELY want to buy. In the event of that it would be less stressful to come back up and get our stuff. We would be more financially able to, it wouldn't be winter and I could plan it around Meghans work scheduled.
Thankfully I have a pretty awesome mom who initially OFFERED for us to move in with here while Jared was gone this time. Not only that but will let me stay as long as needed. She really does want us to be able to save money and get the best possible start with civilian life. That and she gets to have her babies close, and Myles will have the boys to play with!!!

So the plan now is to have all of our stuff in storage here, aside from essentials.
Stacy and Rod and the 3 boys(Jareds younger brothers) are coming up in their van and bringing Meghan with them! Then Meghan will ride in the car with me on the way back!
That is a BIG stress off of me and Jared. While there are a few other things to finalize all of this, we can spend the time we have left with out worrying so much.

So here is my good news.
Stacy has a close friend who works at the dialysis center in the valley(conveniently located next to her house!), she has been talking to her every so often about me and that I would be looking for a job there when I got back. Well last week Stacy texted saying she had just talked to her friend and there might possibly be an opening! She wanted me to call her so I did! Apparently one of their "students"(the train you there) gave notice and they really need to fill the spot. So I told her about my schooling and she said she would give my name and number to the main person who hires. I also filled out an application on the hospital website. Then I didnt hear anything....until yesterday!
The woman called Jareds phone and left a message, but didnt leave her extension number. Jared also gave me the wrong name! So for about an hour a searched every where I could to find her, finally calling HR and leaving a message. About an hour after that I got a call from her!
She said that they were very interested in me and that when I get back and have a min, to just stop by the clinic for an interview and that she is pretty informal about interviews so what ever worked best for me!!!
I was SO over the moon and texted everyone I could think to! This would be such a blessing if I got this job in quite a few ways.
Part of me moving home and living with my mom, is to save money. Even if I did not get any job at all we could save an ok amount if I kept my expenses low. I would still be helping my mom with food and stuff though, Im not a free loader lol! BUT If I can get this job, keep my expenses low and live off my pay check alone, we could bank Jareds ENTIRE pay check each month, putting us in the LOW range of $17K or high of $20k. Which a LARGE portion will be used for a house down payment!!!
The other benefits are that this will be less stress on Jared when he gets out and is trying to find a job, instead of both of us searching for a job at the same time. This will also make it more possible for him to get a part time job and still go to school(which will also bring in money threw the G.I. Bill). Ideally both of us need to be working full time to live comfortably in this economy but I really want him to be able to go to school!
Lastly, working at the Dialysis center, which is owned by the hospital, offers benefits including Medical and Dental(if FT) and Tuition assistance, which could be helpful if I decide to get my RN.
All in all it would just be awesome for us. So please, any good luck you could pass my way would be awesome!!

Well I think that is it for now, sorry for making this so long! Im not sure how much I will be able to write in the next few weeks but I will try and update for those of you who do read!!

Bountiful Basket!

Im a day behind. I know.

Like I said in my last post, I ordered 2 things this time, the conventional and the hostess pack. I was too excited and didnt get any pictures before I got everything on the table! It was seriously like Christmas!
So I will start with the pictures.

We got SO much stuff, I had a hard time finding places for it all!
Some interesting things were the Oroblancos and the parsnips. Neither of which any of us have had. The orobloncos are a hybrid of a grape fruit and a persimmon and are supposed to taste like a sweet grape fruit!
So far we have used 1 pineapple some potatoes some apples and some oranges.
This morning made some delicious cubed potato hash browns with onion, the grape tomatoes and the onions!
Next we have plans to make our own potato soup!

On a side note-we did not make it to Multnomah falls today :( . Maybe next year!