The fact is I'm a little scatter brained as to what to write. I had such big visions for moving back here and starting the new year, but it's been much harder than I thought. I'm lazy and I'm a procrastinator.
I still have not heard back from the dialysis clinc about the job which has me pretty discouraged. I applied at a hospital about half hour from here, for an entry level office job(patient admitting stuff) and have not heard back either. My next step is to go to the temp agency and see how they can help me. I think my lack of work experience in general is hurting me, the fact that the one place I did work is now out of business probably does not help either.
I also wanted to do lots of volunteer work, and still hope to. I'm finding though that unless I'm "working" finding a sitter is not as easy( I.e family).
2012 is not starting out how I had hoped and it's only 2 days in!!
I have so much to get done and I just find it so hard to get out of the house, on a few different levels. One, because Gabe is very hard for me to handle. If I'm out to do any sort of shopping I CAN NOT take him with. He's screaming bloody murder with in 5 min. While trying to fix Gabe, rylan takes that opportunity to start asking me for everything under the sun and the falls in to histerics when I tell him no. Then I feel the eyes. All the eyes on me trying to deal whit my children. It doesn't help that I look like a 17yr old single mom, I can tell what they think from the way they stare. Just remember when you see a mom trying to handle a child like that in the store, a smile of kindness and nod of understanding, can mean the world.
Two, because it's just hard being here without Jared. It feels like we are just here visiting and he is just out visiting some other friends and will be back later tonight.
I feel like I'm moving without him to a place that we should both be together at. It's just hard.
I am also very nervouse about this coming year. The change from military to civilian life scares the crap out of me. All we have know is military life, we were only together about 5 months before he left for basic. Neither of its know the reall struggles of life as adults out side of the military.
On the flipside of that major worry, is the happiness that Jared won't ever have to deploy again. We can plan a family vacation without wondering he will be "allowed" to go. It will be a big weight off Jared's chest after 6 years.
I'm excited because Gabe is turning 2 in 8 days! My huge squishy baby is getting bigger :( !
I'm excited because Rylan will be going to pre school soon and I know he will LOVE it! And then in late summer he will get to start kindergarten which Jared will be home for!!!
Is it weird that Jared and I are both super excited to help him pick out his first backpack and lunch box???
I think my biggest excitement/dread is buying a house.
I am so scared we will eventually end up like thousands of other, and not being able to pay our mortgage. We both have the sense to not buy a house out of our means, or even what we may be approved for. We would like to see our house paid of before we die!! We see our future house as something to pass on to our kids. I'm a natural worry wort and pessimist. The sinaro in my head is our income decreasing and not being able pay or support ourselves.
Sometimes you have to just take a chance and jump in!
I how I can make 2012 as memorable as possible when and wear I can!
0 comments:
Post a Comment