OOHHH Thats Why I Felt "Off".

I caught the pregnant.

Yep.

I am a little over 5wks infected.

Now you may understand my last blog post. Oh the hormones raging through me!

I know only a few people read my blog but I just had to announce it on here real quick. Just got back from visiting family though so I will do a better post in a day or two!

Just not quite sure about life right now.

Do you ever get that.....empty feeling? Like you don't know what to think or do. Life is kind of just going by, day after day. Its like that awkward moment when you don't have pockets and you don't know what to do with your hands. 

Its like that but, with my entire being. What am I doing, what should I be doing?

I am not working, I am not going to school. The boys and I have not been doing much because I've felt like total crap these last few weeks. 

I am attempting to get everything ready for Rylans birthday but all I can focus on is all the "hard" stuff. Like driving for 6hrs, not sleeping in my own bed, dealing with people I don't like, driving BACK 6hrs, getting settled in our home again. Its sad that these things are overwhelming me when there is good stuff to look forward to. Like Rylans first big birthday with family since his 1st birthday. Meghan and Jared are taking me to the Used concert for my birthday. Those things just seem to be a side thought to the rest.

I have so much to do but I can't bring myself to actually do any of it.

I need something to get me out of this. What that is, I have no idea.

Its the little things!

Lets just say things have been a little crazy in my life these last few months. 

I have not been in our home for longer than 2wks at a time since we first officially moved up here. Going back and forth between here and the valley is starting to take a tole on me which is why this next visit will be it for a while.

While I dont mind moving every so often, I do like to "settle", get in a groove, make a house feel home. I just don't feel like Ive gotten to do that yet.

On top of that, I have yet to find a job. Ive applied at 3 different clinics but have heard nothing yet. Ive applied EVERY where, most of which I get an email back saying Im not "compatible". Seriously? What about me is not compatible? Anywho, after having worked I now feel restless because Im not doing anything.

Our only saving grace right now is that Jared will continue to get paid until November when his contract is up. He has been putting in applications also. He did just get word from a friend that they are hiring security guards at a casino about half hour away and he should hopefully be starting college soon. If only he could settle on what he wants to do.

I've also been looking into school online but have NO idea what I want to do either. I don't see the point in wasting time and money when I don't know what I want.

All these things lead me to think to much, think to much about things like this make me grumpy. At EVERYONE. I yelled at Jared the other day. I apologized of course, I didnt mean to yell and be so angry sounding.

I get short tempered with the kids. I about had a mental break down when I came out of the bathroom to see Gabe drawing in pen all over the tv.

Really I know that its just because we are all "couped up". The boys are used to going to daycare and running and getting energy out. Im used to going to work and talking about things other than power rangers and poopie butts.

Jared woke up relatively early today. The boys had been in kind of a bad mood because I took netflix away. Neither of them will stay away from the xbox and keep turning it off or opening the disc drive, so I was just done. They could either play outside or play in their room. 

I went and took a shower and cleared my mind, got dressed and brushed my hair. I felt a bit better. Gabe was down for a nap so I laid on the couch with Jared and we both ended up falling asleep. It was so nice and comfy. When we are in bed I can NOT fall asleep cuddled up. Im claustrophobic and it creeps me out to lay face to face and breath the same air, or breath air he has exhaled. Im weird I know, but after 7yrs of having him on again off again in my bed, Im just to used to sleeping by myself.  

We have found though that the couch is the one place we fall asleep together, so when I get those moments I  take great advantage.

After waking up, Jared was getting ready to go to BJJ so I took my chance and told him I was going to go get a coffee. I needed out of the house before I had to tackle dinner by myself. That 10min of silence was golden. All I did was drive to Starbucks and get a pumpkin latte and I was rejuvenated. 

The boys and Jared were outside when I got there so once Jared left we just stayed and played.

Came in for dinner and then I got a cool idea. I had extra glow sticks from the Dollar Store so once it got dark I cracked those babys up and we played Light Sabers until bed time.

After a while these "little things" become big things when they mean the difference between being a total bitch and a calm person.

5yrs old? NO!

August and September are big months for my family, much to my grandparents dismay. Maybe we just all enjoy Christmas and Newyears with our spouses a little to much!

There are a LOT of birthdays in these 2 months. 3 cousins in August and 4 of us in September. Brother Dj turned 22 on the 4th of September, Cousin Dj turns 23 on the 23rd, I turn 24 on the 24th and Rylan turns 5 on the 26th. Oh wait and I have an Aunt whos birthday is on the 4th also!

The big one though is obviously Rylans birthday.

My first born baby boy is turning 5! 

How is this even possible! 

Hes supposed to be this big!

Nope Im going crazy because he is actually this big.

(bonus pic of Gabe :))

He can write his name, recognizes all the letters of the alphabet and has a crazy imagination .

He draws such cool pictures and tells funny stories and jokes.

He loves angry birds, power rangers and shares his Daddys love of plains and helicopters.

Hes sensitive and thoughtful, and curious.

He is forever talking about anything and everything, I call him Chatty Carl.

Im going to recount this all now because I wont be at my computer on his actual birthday.

The situation surround Rylans birth and my pregnancy were a little crazy.

Jared and I had been together for a year and engaged for about 3 months when I found out I was pregnant. He had just come and gone for Christmas leave and was back at Ft. Campbell KY. So he found out over the phone.

I was a senior in HS, we had planned on waiting to get married until after I graduated Culinary school in Portland. 

I cant remember when we found out, before or after I got pregnant, but he was set to deploy in late September. The same day as my due date and first day of culinary school. 

So we decided to get married earlier. No way was he going to a war zone with out us being taken care of, should anything happen.

We married a month after I graduated HS, I was 6.5 months pregnant.

After we got married I planned on going back to Ft. Campbell with him for a few weeks, just a visit. While there we came to the realization that If I did not stay there with him, there was very little chance of him getting to be there for the birth of our son. Between the Army letting him stay behind, not knowing exactly when I would have Rylan and, if we would even have the money to get him home, to much was uncertain.

So we decided that I would stay. That was a VERY hard phone call to my mom, who was very upset(it ended up ok though). I felt terrible but I did what I felt was best, Jared deserved to see his son born before heading to war.

I was 4days past my due date when I started having contractions. I labored at home from one afternoon threw the next day. By 11pm my contractions were perfectly spaced for an hour. I wasnt in to much pain but I didnt want to have my baby in the car, so we went to the hospital. 

When I was FINALLY checked(after an hour of sitting there), I was already at 7cm. 

They got me to my room and set up, they told me if I did not get my epi right then, then I wouldn't be able to get it. So I did lol!
I slept for a while, passed out, threw up and the next morning around 7ish, Rylan graced us with his presence. 
We got to spend the next 13 days with Jared, I left KY about 3 days before he left the states. Leaving and taking our child with me was incredibly hard knowing it would be a long 15months and hoping for R&R to hurry up.
Rylan was such an easy and happy baby. The flight home was good and there were so many helpful people. A woman and her daughter helped me with my bags off my last flight all the way to where my mom was standing. They had asked my story, as did many people that day. A young girl with a tiny baby flying, draws a lot of attention. 
The woman helping actually started crying when she saw my mom and I hug.
I wish I knew what her name was so I could thank her for her kindness.

Here is another picture so I can recollect my thoughts.

He looks like a sweet little elf!

So as we approach his 5th birthday and his new "big kid" status, its crazy to see all the changes in him. 
I wouldn't change a thing about our situation because I have such an amazing little boy to hug and cuddle for as long as he will let me!

Off Hiatus!

Clearly I have been gone for a while.

I blame it on two things.

1-Pure laziness. Yep that's me!

2-Typing on a cell phone(even a nifty iphone) takes a bazillion times longer than typing. I also loose track of what Im saying when posting from the phone.

So now that we've gotten that out of the way. I'll update you all a little!

This will in be no specific order, in fact it will  be a little jumbled!

We are currently living back in Lakewood(by .Ft. Lewis)

Yep. Not in the Valley. The house we were attempting to buy came to a stand still. We were using a VA loan on a foreclosed HUD home. Our house budget is modest at 120K. We are not about to put ourselves over what we feel we can feasibly afford and at that price our mortgage would be no more than $700. The down side. Most homes in our area at that price are foreclosed. If you have ever searched for a home and looked in to foreclosures, you have noticed a not so nice trend. People like to destroy the home before they leave.....

The first home we wanted to buy, the people went so far as to take fixtures, and molding. Rip random chunks of tile out and punch holes in the walls.

Well this house, that was oh SO perfect for us, really didnt need anything major. It was just slightly out dated. Well kept just outdated. Sparkly popcorn ceilings have long been shunned lol.

The only down fall of this house was the back deck. It was just old. It was only about a foot high so no fall risk, but like I said just old. 

Well the VA can be picky. When they come do their inspection, it has to be up to their standards. They will list a $25 dollar fix that I could do in my sleep. 

The thing with HUD or bank owned homes is that they will not fix anything, and they will not let US fix anything. Putting us at a stand still.

Jared and I made the decision to not waste  around $500 on the VA inspection and $400 on the general inspection, to just be put in a dead lock on the house.

We took this as our sign. To not tie ourselves to the valley just yet. All of our stuff was here in Tacoma already so we wanted to try things here first and then go back to the valley if we needed to!

That leads me to the fact that JAREDS HOME!

Yeah I know I'm about 3 months late. I'm loving it though.

Fact 3- I no longer work at the clinic in the valley. I've applied for 3jobs up here but it can be awhile before I hear anything. I kind of have a feeling I was leaving the clinic at a good time. I just hope for some of my co workers/patients that things are going better.

Fact 4- Jared is on terminal leave until Nov 1st when he will officially be off active duty and out of the army!! 

In true army style though, it was an ordeal for him just to get on terminal leave. 

He was initially supposed to be home in April, to give him adequate time for all of his out processing stuff, before his terminal leave date(90 days from his ets date). Well April came and went and he was finally home in June. It got even more messed up from there.

A lot of the things he had to do are classes you have to sign up for. A big one being SRP. They only do things certain days of the week and times. If you cant make it to a class that day, you wait a whole week. 

One of the most stressful aspects is clearing CIF, which is turning in all the gear that he has been issued. Lets just say gear is notorious for growing legs and walking off.

 Then there are the leave forms and orders. 

Jareds unit is still in country so his forms had to be sent to another brigade to be signed off He can not fully clear post until those orders are given back to him, signed. 

Well his orders sat at this other brigade for almost 2 wks because they "lost" them. The whole time Jared gets treated like a child because he cant get anything else done without these orders. Finally someone did enough bitching and he finally got his orders. Even though he went a week and a half into his terminal leave.

He cleared post in 2 days!!

Most of that spent at CIF trying to appease the inspection people, which is another story for another time.

I think thats about it though. We have been going home about every 2 wks for this or that. We just got back yesterday, went home for the weekend because my brother just got back from his West Pac tour and I haven't seen him in about a year. We will be going back in 2wks for mine and Rylans birthdays. Meghan got us tickets to see the USED in Spokane. We have only been waiting 8yrs to see them lol!

After that though we will settle in to normal life here, with not to many trips back home. 

Hopefully jobs come threw for us, and Jared can start school soon!!