Just some thoughts

Ugh. I had to get this out before I go to bed. I really miss Jared. Every morning I wake up and Im alone in this big bed. I get up and the boys and I start our day. I go into our living room and Im alone. No good morning greeting, no what can I make you for breakfast(I cant wait to ask him that). My day goes on. No, oh can you help me with this. Then my day comes to a close, I start turning off the lights and t.v., I stand there at the last light and look around. No are you ready for bed, no hand on my back. No getting situated next to each other in bed. No, "will you scratch my back". NO random night time conversation. I go to bed praying to fall asleep quickly so I can get the next day over with.
Its at night when it hurts the most. Its lonely. Its hard to describe, numb maybe is the right term. Stuck. Even knowing he is coming home soon it still hurts remembering that I am alone. I really just want this part of our life to be done with. I don't like the way it makes either of us feel, I don't like hurting like this.

Rylan gets a hair cut and does finger paint.

So Monday I think it was, I finally took Rylan to get his hair cut. He has hair like Jared's, super thick and coarse. He did a very good job sitting still after being bribed with a balloon lol.

Today we went to the craft store to pick out some stuff to make cards for Fathers Day for Jared. Of course he will have to see them over video, which I will have to post to Youtube for him to see it lol. I decided it was time for Ry to try finger painting!! He had fun with it, wasn't to sure about getting his hand dirty purposely lol but he did good and maid 2 paintings lol. I of course could not help my self and bought some scrapbook stuff to help build back my supply. Most of it was on sale though so I did good.

I promise I will get better at this!

So things got pretty hectic and I put updating this off for quite some time.
Since my last post a lot has changed. We made another trip home and this time Meghan stayed behind. It was obviously for the best and all the stars aligned because she got a job at Walmart. Im proud of you Meghan!!
So that left me for a, normally 6-7hr drive back here to Lakewood. Which after a few stops, a near melt down save by the good timing of getting to talk to Jared, a screaming baby and a carrot throwing toddler, we finally made it home!! It was a hard adjustment living by myself with both kids. I spent quite a few days in the same clothes not eating much, trying to get a scheduled into place. We didn't leave the house to much except to buy grocery's. Slowly but surely though I have managed to get them on a scheduled, make dinner every night, bathe them(most nights lol), clean, do laundry, shower myself, do a workout every other night and make trips outside! That was a long list lol. The house still gets messy and some times I go a day or to without a shower but, I almost have it all worked out.
Our recent trips included our first trip to the Tacoma Farmers market down town. I worried about being able to drive down there in the jetta and having to UP streets lol. Thankfully the way Google took me made it so I went down the whole way.
There were a lot of things to look at and our next trip I will actually purchase some veggies. For lunch Rylan and I shared some Curry Chicken and Nann, it was AMAZING! and here are some pics!



So some good news
Jared will be coming home soon!!! In about a months time! I can not wait for him to meet Gabe and bond more with Rylan. We have both been working on our relationship and it is stronger than ever. It will be a hard adjustment once again but I have faith that we can work it out better than last time.


So some up coming events other than Jared coming home.
-Trip to the farmers market Thursday with my friend Stacy.
-Going to Great Grandma PJs for 4th of July weekend and Uncle Steve will be there too. They have not met Gabe either so it will be a fun weekend!!