I've Found My Zen!

So along the way between, highschooler, wife, mommy, lady with deployed husband, supposed to be adult person, I lost the calm sense I once had. I am a person that needs alone time. Before real life hit, I had that time but didn't really realize that it was an intrgural part of me.
In the last 4yrs since having Rylan and Gabe, I haven't had much of that. Either not having the time, money, or lack of guilt for wanting to do things by myself.
Since moving home it's gotten easier.
I think I have found my zen routine.
There is a little bakery here called Daileys. It's amazing. So calm and clean and the food is amazing!
Last week I had to drop the boys off at day care pretty early but then had some time to kill. So I headed over to Dailys, where i had never eaten before.
I ordered the coffe of the day and steel cut oats with brown sugar, raisins, and strawberrys. It came with a small slice of blueberry loaf and some milk to put in the oats( I drank it though lol).
It was presented so well with garnish, the bowl was not to large bit enough to make me full. The coffe was amazing. And all for $7
Then I realized, "wait, I'm actually, visually enjoying my food before I eat it! When was the last time I did this???"
To long ago is the answer!
So I sat there, slowly eating and enjoying. Taking in all the cars passing by, people coming in and just being calm. I didn't think much more about anything. I just sat there.
Then some more amazing stuff happened. I couldnt wait to go pick up my boys. I know that sounds horrible but I enjoy my time and they enjoy their time at daycare(which is awesome!).
So I went and picked them up and the rest of our day was awesome! I was less stressed and so were they.

This morning I did the same thing. I feel wonderful. The slight bit of guilt for sitting here enjoying food with out them, is still slightly there, then I remember how good I feel, and how this will follow me threw the rest of the day.

I'm getting closer to that calm person I used to be and I like that.

The weight, oh the

Since this has been in my mind a lot I figured I would blog it. Blog it all, I will!

I guess you could say Ive been "dealing " with weight my whole life. I was born tiny, like smaller than average. In the first year of my life though, boy did I pudge up! Obviously I realize that at that age it does not matter(baring baby obesity ), it's just funny how that would be the case the next 23 yrs of my life! At 7-8, I was super skinny, I was super active outside all the time with the neighbor kids from dawn till dusk. Then the dreaded puberty hit. Let's just say that since 13 have had boobs and butt. Oh yeah and the "holland" thighs, thanks mom!

While I was still active with sports and regular life, I was defiantly more filled out than my classmates. It wasn't until my sophomore year of high school, when I hit 160lbs(I'm only 5'2) , that I started to pay attention. Threw sports and mostly eating better I made my way down to about 145lbs. Then with swim team my senior year I made it to 135lbs, my goal weight!! Then...... I got pregnant. Yep, I contracted the preggers. I gave into my insane love of food i.e. pasta and bread, and got up to 170lbs while pregnant with Rylan.

I know, I know " but you were growing a baby". I took it to far and was eating for probably 5 and excercising for 0!!
After I had him I dropped to 135 again but that was due to breast feeding and not eating well. Once I stopped breast feeding and moved to KY....it ALL came back!
When I went for my pregnancy confirmation apt with Gabe, I weighed 168, after having been throwing up for a month already.
At 41 wks and 4 days I was induced, weighing a whopping 190lbs!!!! I was not happy, granted Gabe was almost 10lbs of that!
So seriously, almost instantly after giving birth I was back at 150lbs. That's pretty much where I've been since. I did make it to 145lbs the week jared came home from his last deployment but I think that was more due to stress than actual weight loss.

Now I am actually trying to get my weight down and KEEP it down. No more up and down every year.
I've done pretty good since moving back home, working has helped a lot too.
I was pretty shocked yesterday when I got on the scale after a week of avoiding it.

146.6lbs...... 0_0

No way!

I've lost almost 10lbs in the last month! I haven't even gotten to "really" work out yet! Thi is just from eating better(and actually making sure I eat enough) and being more active! I can't wait to see what happens when I actually work out! And to think I only have 11.6 lbs to go for my goal weight!!!

I'm so excited to report more on this!!